You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity