When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.