Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.