u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."