the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."