They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.