Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels