Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.