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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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