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i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
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