I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.