You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.