You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties