Texts From Last Night

Last Night in North Carolina (919)

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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?

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  (919): Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight? http://tfl.nu/lpr7
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...

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  I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.

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  (919): so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow... (1-919): I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that. http://tfl.nu/ee0c
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  Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?

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  (919): Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight? http://tfl.nu/hr5u
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  I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..

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  (919): I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number.. http://tfl.nu/y7re
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  Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.

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  (919): Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face. http://tfl.nu/tvg8
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  When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.

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  (919): When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs. http://tfl.nu/7b1r
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  Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.

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  (919): Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it. http://tfl.nu/kkz9
  Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (916)
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  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
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  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (316) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
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  I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.

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  (919): I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face. http://tfl.nu/kivi
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  I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?

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  (919): I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright? http://tfl.nu/bgy5
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...

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  (919): Why is there a condom in the dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/a7l1
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  I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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  (919): I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/f3bf
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Coming to you live from the floor of my office..

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  (919): Coming to you live from the floor of my office.. http://tfl.nu/0ate
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  Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.

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  (919): Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out. http://tfl.nu/vb1r
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