i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.