You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point