Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives