Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?