Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down