I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?