I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
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Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.