Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.