I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.