i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar