at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.