I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.