Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.