UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
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Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..