I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room