in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.