Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.