I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance