Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
