When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"