Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alberta, CA (780)

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk

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  (780): Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/rb5a
  Replies (4) Good night (1736) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper

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  (780): I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper http://tfl.nu/1q8k
  Replies (8) Good night (418) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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  I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.

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  (780): I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people. http://tfl.nu/y8iw
  Replies (12) Good night (852) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?

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  (780): Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat? http://tfl.nu/yo7z
  Replies (10) Good night (712) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
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  Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.

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  (780): Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag. http://tfl.nu/5i0q
  Replies (2) Good night (662) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out

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  (780): Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out http://tfl.nu/hqrh
  Replies (10) Good night (291) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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  (780): Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl" http://tfl.nu/k17c
  Replies (2) Good night (825) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Cockoligist

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  Yes, one may refer to me as that.

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  I should make business cards.

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  (780): Cockoligist (587): Yes, one may refer to me as that. (587): I should make business cards. http://tfl.nu/nsw3
  Replies (8) Good night (644) Bad night (230)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.

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  (780): He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned. http://tfl.nu/9m93
  Replies (11) Good night (870) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!

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  (780): YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!! http://tfl.nu/6lp0
  Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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  (780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.

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  (780): I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/qn6g
  Replies (27) Good night (357) Bad night (3288) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.

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  (780): I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets. http://tfl.nu/hrg7
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.

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  (780): Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters. http://tfl.nu/28t2
  Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (258)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family

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  (780): Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family http://tfl.nu/lw7x
  Replies (1) Good night (919) Bad night (196)