I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk