I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk