You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.