Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.