He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.