Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (727)

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  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

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  (727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov
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  And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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  (727): And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity http://tfl.nu/9e9v
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  I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"

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  (727): I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head" http://tfl.nu/dap3
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  This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.

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  (727): This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade. http://tfl.nu/uwxc
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  let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.

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  (727): let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man. http://tfl.nu/iiq1
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  Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.

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  (727): Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today. http://tfl.nu/0xc9
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  You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.

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  (727): You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her. http://tfl.nu/lj37
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  they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were

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  (727): they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were http://tfl.nu/gg4c
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  found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?

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  (727): found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain? http://tfl.nu/or8y
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  and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

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  (727): and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos http://tfl.nu/qrbd
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  I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

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  (727): I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish http://tfl.nu/fk29
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  at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.

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  (727): at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry. http://tfl.nu/0y0u
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  Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.

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  (727): Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago. http://tfl.nu/0eob
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  I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

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  (727): I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday http://tfl.nu/mihk
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  Semen is not good for contacts.

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  (727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1
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