You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.