You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.