i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus