I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.