"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.