Last Night in Colorado (719)

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

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  I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab

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  She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

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  I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;

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  Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.

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  He's a Shit stain on my heart

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  You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.

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  I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.

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  There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.

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  I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.

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  You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.

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  If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.

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  passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

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  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

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