everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less