Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips

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  (630): I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips http://tfl.nu/376c
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  Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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  (630): Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila. http://tfl.nu/cfz3
  Replies (26) Good night (4985) Bad night (1860) Order T-Shirt
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  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

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  nothing about this is right.

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  (630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn
  Replies (23) Good night (4979) Bad night (1705)
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  I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me

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  (630): I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me http://tfl.nu/tgvp
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  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

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  Thats like the definition of a good friend

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  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (4872) Bad night (744)
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  He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...

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  I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....

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  (630): He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now... (708): I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come.... http://tfl.nu/k2gw
  Replies (20) Good night (4861) Bad night (1049)
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  That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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  (630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims. http://tfl.nu/e1gu
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  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (4846) Bad night (904)
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  I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.

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  (630): I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea. http://tfl.nu/9kka
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  i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.

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  (630): i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons. http://tfl.nu/sim9
  Replies (38) Good night (4797) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

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  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
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  batman just walked across the sidewalk

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  lay off the drugs

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  no for real he was wearing a cape

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  (630): batman just walked across the sidewalk (1-630): lay off the drugs (630): no for real he was wearing a cape http://tfl.nu/eo01
  Replies (15) Good night (4744) Bad night (433)
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  I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

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  (630): I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/tzlz
  Replies (18) Good night (4720) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..

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  (630): The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning.. http://tfl.nu/4rfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4655) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

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  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4628) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt