hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape