Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (630)

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

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(630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip

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I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(630): I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted. http://tfl.nu/87dj

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just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.

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(630): just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now. http://tfl.nu/m10w

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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

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(630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x

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there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

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(630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl

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hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

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my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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(224): hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube (630): my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/cxvl

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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude

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(630): I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude http://tfl.nu/ede0

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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.

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(630): Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me. http://tfl.nu/4ss8

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Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

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(630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy

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Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school

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(630): Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school http://tfl.nu/domf

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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.

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(630): Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best. http://tfl.nu/ljti

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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

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(630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7

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Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.

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(630): Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box. http://tfl.nu/2fsf

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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

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(630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e

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everybody makes mistakes

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i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

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(630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb

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Last Night in Illinois (630)

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