hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.