just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof