Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
worst night to have a conscience
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Acid is not a monday night drug
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.