You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men