Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.