Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arizona (480)

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.

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  (480): It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/0fqk
  Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (122)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.

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  (480): She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine. http://tfl.nu/3eun
  Replies (6) Good night (506) Bad night (113)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.

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  (480): Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now. http://tfl.nu/9q96
  Replies (0) Good night (231) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."

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  (480): The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver." http://tfl.nu/f94p
  Replies (5) Good night (421) Bad night (193)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

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  (509): btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body... (480): gifts from me to you. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/tkbz
  Replies (2) Good night (791) Bad night (173)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...

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  (480): Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch... http://tfl.nu/farg
  Replies (4) Good night (197) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....

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  (480): There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night.... http://tfl.nu/234u
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm so there

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  (602): The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast (480): I'm so there http://tfl.nu/rimu
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (141)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?

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  (480): Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night? http://tfl.nu/lw86
  Replies (7) Good night (370) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?

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  (480): Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me? (1-480): Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out? http://tfl.nu/ggfq
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.

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  (480): Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god. http://tfl.nu/3e8t
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (187) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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  (480): I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified. http://tfl.nu/m5g1
  Replies (2) Good night (215) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.

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  (480): Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night. http://tfl.nu/s016
  Replies (9) Good night (1281) Bad night (211)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.

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  (480): If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five. http://tfl.nu/ztzm
  Replies (1) Good night (440) Bad night (204) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"

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  (480): "The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!" http://tfl.nu/bdi6
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt