I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.