He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.