Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (407)

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  I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.

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  (407): I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history. http://tfl.nu/a6pc
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  I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.

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  (407): I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ewha
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  Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.

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  (407): Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it. http://tfl.nu/49t8
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  At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.

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  (407): At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long. http://tfl.nu/ssq5
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  Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.

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  (407): Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks. http://tfl.nu/yvne
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  That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!

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  Gravity is no match for my libido

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  (407): That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work! (386): Gravity is no match for my libido http://tfl.nu/l272
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  Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.

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  That's horrible but hilarious

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  I'm going to miss college.

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  (407): Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else. (1-407): That's horrible but hilarious (407): I'm going to miss college. http://tfl.nu/1mp1
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  I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.

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  (407): I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy. http://tfl.nu/m02m
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  Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear

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  (407): Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear http://tfl.nu/b5s7
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  It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant

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  (407): It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant http://tfl.nu/td2c
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  I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.

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  (407): I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so. http://tfl.nu/va18
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  Beer acquired. Food is cooking

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  Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio

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  (407): Beer acquired. Food is cooking (1-407): Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio http://tfl.nu/4aqs
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  More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out

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  (407): More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out http://tfl.nu/4y5s
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  Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.

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  (407): Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship. http://tfl.nu/8uzj
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  When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?

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  (407): When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad? http://tfl.nu/v8ru
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