apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."