it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
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My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got inside last night via doggy door