Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.