Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so much tequila, so little girl.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.