I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever