So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you poop on the roof?
Is that a no?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.