I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.