I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
