Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots