A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.