Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome