we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people