Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird