If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.