He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?