Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.