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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
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