Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (315)

Last Night in New York (315)

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I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..

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(315): I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children.. http://tfl.nu/lakp

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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder

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(315): She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder http://tfl.nu/9h6z

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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?

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(315): Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er? http://tfl.nu/auy8

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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..

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(315): And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness.. http://tfl.nu/wnyn

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at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing

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(315): at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing http://tfl.nu/t14u

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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

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Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

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(315): Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe. (1-315): Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha http://tfl.nu/f49v

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There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster

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(315): There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster http://tfl.nu/nm8t

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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play

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(315): dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play http://tfl.nu/32t6

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Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.

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(315): Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised. http://tfl.nu/8j6k

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The second I see you we're shot gunning beers

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It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning

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And your point is?

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Marry me

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(315): The second I see you we're shot gunning beers (1-315): It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning (315): And your point is? (1-315): Marry me http://tfl.nu/zcdd

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I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.

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(315): I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening. http://tfl.nu/i72z

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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back

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(315): we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back http://tfl.nu/uot7

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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.

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(315): WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF. http://tfl.nu/3w9f

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HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!

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(315): HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT! http://tfl.nu/pd33

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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.

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(315): My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off. http://tfl.nu/m48w

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Last Night in New York (315)

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