I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A bitchslap is in order.