Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (305)

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
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  alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.

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  (305): alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog. http://tfl.nu/iy0a
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  I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.

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  (305): I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see. http://tfl.nu/wyhs
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  does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?

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  (305): does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/qj9q
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  If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

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  (305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette? http://tfl.nu/wdb5
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  i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.

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  (305): i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/huem
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  Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

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  Its worth a shot.

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  (918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits? (305): Its worth a shot. http://tfl.nu/0784
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  I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy

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  (305): I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy http://tfl.nu/yxp4
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  Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.

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  (305): Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after. http://tfl.nu/e8fo
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  If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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  (305): If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me? http://tfl.nu/0xff
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  I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.

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  (305): I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/47xz
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  Can I come over?

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  Can't... I'm at class right now.

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  No your not

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  I'm outside by your car.

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  (305): Can I come over? (786): Can't... I'm at class right now. (305): No your not (305): I'm outside by your car. http://tfl.nu/le7d
  Replies (21) Good night (343) Bad night (1774)
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  3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over

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  (305) 3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over http://tfl.nu/46dm
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  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

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  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
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  he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.

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  (305): he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me. http://tfl.nu/04rv
  Replies (32) Good night (4949) Bad night (1644) Order T-Shirt