Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok