How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.