Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand