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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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