He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.