My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet