Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (240)

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  i think i left a case of beer in your dryer

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  (240): i think i left a case of beer in your dryer http://tfl.nu/dfij
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  I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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  (240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16
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  I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.

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  (240): I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged. http://tfl.nu/1zhu
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  He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

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  (240): He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice http://tfl.nu/qhk7
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  i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.

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  (240): i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark. http://tfl.nu/ophf
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  I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't

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  (240): I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't http://tfl.nu/uua0
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  Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?

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  (240): Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders? http://tfl.nu/9s8f
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  She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.

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  (240): She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text. http://tfl.nu/g6ne
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  where are you?

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  Hypothermia

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  (443): where are you? (240): Hypothermia http://tfl.nu/1rtk
  Replies (20) Good night (1607) Bad night (3331)
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  and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.

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  (240): and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well. http://tfl.nu/nn8d
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  It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother

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  (240): It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother http://tfl.nu/obkn
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  We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

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  (240): We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit. http://tfl.nu/8ktk
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  just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five

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  (240): just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five http://tfl.nu/swbm
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  Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.

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  (240): Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle. http://tfl.nu/z4p0
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  She's the barista slut.

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  (240): She's the barista slut. http://tfl.nu/aqi5
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