I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job